Coffee
by Merida Hughsie
Summary: Lorelai has one obsession; Coffee ... So have Rory and Emily. Find out why it is so important for them and how it can tie them together.
1. Chapter 1

_**Coffee**_

**Coffee**

Her home had always smelled like coffee.

_Lorelai rang the bell of the big manor, which seemed so forbidding but had actually been her home once. It seemed centuries ago since she had been here, but she knew it had been only since last Christmas. She sighed. It always felt so good to leave from here, to get into her car and drive away from it without a backwards glance. _

_Suddenly the door in front of her opened and instead of a maid her mother stood there, seeming surprised to see her daughter._

_ "Lorelai, is it Christmas already?" she asked, as always playing over her surprise and not willing to lose control over a conversation that hadn't even started yet. Everything always had to be on Emily Bloody Glimore's terms._

_Never the less her mother invited her into her home. 'Always following Miss Manners, but never really saying what is on her mind and in her heart', Lorelai thought sarcastically. Then she firmly told herself to shut up and get it over with. She was here to ask her parents for money for Rory's school, not move in with them again._

_As she entered her childhood home she was suddenly catapulted back into the past. Nothing had really changed since she had left home 15 years prior. The furniture was almost entirely the same, only here and there a new chair or a few crystal figurines more. Even the smell was the same. A wonderful combination of her mother's Chanel No. 5, old, stale Tabaco smoke, drifting over from her father's study … and above all coffee. Freshly-brewed. Warm. Homely. The only thing that made this otherwise cold place home. Lorelai was suddenly five years old again._

**Coffee.**

Her mother had always smelled like coffee, carrying a cup with her around the house.

_ "Mummy, mummy!" Lorelai came running through the front door the moment her father had opened it a crack, wide enough for her to squeeze through. She was waving a picture in her tiny, chubby fist. "Mummy, look what I drew in kindergarten."_

_Her mother came through the door to the dining room, smiling broadly down at her little daughter. In her hand was a fresh cup of coffee and the aroma of the beverage drifted through the air surrounding her. Emily placed it thoughtlessly on the small Inn table in the lobby and crouched down to be on Lorelai's level. The small girl proudly held out the picture, both hands stretched in front of her, nearly thrusting the paper into her mother's face in her eagerness to show her._

_Emily laughed and chided her child softly, "Easy there, sweetheart, I'm watching, I'm watching." _

_Together they sat down on the floor of the lobby and looked over the picture, Lorelai explaining earnestly what everything was. "Look, mummy, that's the clown and here's the pony and that's the con-co-duc …"_

_ "The conductor, love," her mother helped her over the difficult word._

_Lorelai nodded. "Yes, him. And this is the elephant. In the corner are the tigers, far away from the elephant so he isn't afraid."_

_Emily nodded gravely, but Richard saw her eyes sparkle and how she tried to hold in her laughter. He raised an eyebrow at her as she caught him looking at her. "Don't you think our daughter has the makings of a great painter?" he asked and Emily nearly burst into full-throated laughter at Lorelai's proud face. _

"_Really, daddy?" she asked, her innocent face lighting up._

_ "Of course," Richard said, hunkering down beside his wife and child. "I go buy a frame and put this picture on my desk. The first piece of art the Famous Lorelai Gilmore ever drew."_

_At that all three Gilmores started laughing and Lorelai snuggled closer to her mummy, who had her arms around her. She smelled coffee and something else, but 'something else' wasn't interesting. When they had been asked to describe their parents in kindergarten, Lorelai had described her mother's face and how she dressed. Then she had closed her eyes and had said that she smelled of coffee. Every night when Emily checked on her daughter and kissed her forehead one last time, Lorelai smiled because she was wrapped in the smell of her mother and felt safe and loved. _

**Coffee.**

How her father had frowned upon it whenever he saw his wife with it in her hands.

_Richard observed his wife carefully. As soon as she came into the room his eyes were drawn to the bulge of her pregnancy. She was now 7 months along and doing fine, according to her doctors. Richard, though, couldn't help but frown at her from time to time._

_Right now was one of those times._

_Emily carried a tray before her. On it were two cups, a plate of cookies and a pot of coffee._

_ "Hello, love," Emily greeted him, smiling broadly. "I thought you could use a break and would want to see us."_

_Richard smiled in answer and nodded eagerly. He then looked on as his wife poured the coffee and handed him one of the cups. The second went into her hands. As she settled down in the armchair across from him, she caught his eyes on her. With a smile she toasted him, "Or do you want to add a splash of Bourbon?"_

_ "How many cups of coffee have you had already?" Richard artlessly side-stepped her quip._

_Now Emily frowned herself. "You make it sound like something bad," she retorted reproachfully._

_Richard ducked his head. He certainly didn't want to pick a fight with his fiery and over-sensitive wife. He simply grumbled under his breath, "Our child will be a caffeine addict before it is even born."_

_Unfortunately for him, Emily had perfect hearing. Immediately she fiered up; "It's a hell of a lot more healthy than all those Tabaco fumes I'm submitted to at every business dinner!"_

_ "The doctors said 'in moderation', Emily," he shot back. "And I quit smoking when you told me about your pregnancy."_

_Emily stood, looking wrathful. "Well, if you think I'm harming our child why don't you give it a try?"_

_Richard sighed. He had gone and done it, his wife was becoming irrational … not that it would do any good to point that out right now. But the notion was funny and the corners of his mouth were drawn upwards. Emily was looking down in apparent rejection, but now Richard could see her shoulders shaking. The soft sound of her chuckle bubbled up from her and soon both were laughing outright._

_ "Oh, I'm sorry, Richard, I'm just frazzled … and yes, I am a caffeine addict and I need it to feel better. I should cut down on it, though, for the baby's sake, shouldn't I?"_

_ "You're doing fine, everyone says that, so just keep doing what you were doing. I'm just worrying, is all." He walked over to her and embraced her tenderly. "I love you so much."_

**Coffee.**

The first morning she had tasted it.

_Lorelai stumbled out of her room and bumped straight into her mother, who was on her way downstairs for breakfast as well. Sleepily Emily put an arm around her daughter's shoulders and pressed a kiss to her hair. _

"_Let's go and see if Daddy is disgustingly cheerful this early again," she mumbled, bringing a radiant smile to her daughter's lips._

_Richard was indeed disgustingly cheerful while he amiably chatted with the maid and ate his grapefruit. He didn't seem to notice that both his girls were still bleary-eyed and not quite 'there' yet. Emily dropped into her chair, not at all gracefully as usual … that is later in the day … and groped blindly for the pot of coffee. She went through her daily routine without thinking. Fill the cup almost to the rim, add a dollop of cream, add two lumps of sugar and let the waking-up commence. _

_Lorelai had flopped into the chair at the side of the table and looked dejectedly at her plate of bacon and eggs. As her father gave a loud chuckle over something or other the maid had said, Lorelai only glared at him. "How can anybody be this cheerful at this hour", she grumbled._

_Emily shot her a disapproving glance, though she whole-heartedly agreed with her daughter. On second thought, she figured Lorelai could use a pick-me-up today. The poor girl had gotten her period the night before and had hardly found any sleep due to cramping. Richard, of course, was unaware of that little fact. Now Emily glared at her husband but refrained from saying anything. She simply stood, picked up her cup and took it the two steps over to her still-grumbling daughter. Gently she placed it in front of her, stroking through Lorelai's hair with the other hand and placing a sift kiss to the top of her head. _

_ "Here, sweetheart, something to make you feel better," she said softly, picking up Lorelai's empty cup and taking it back to her place. There she performed her daily ritual again. As she looked up, ready to teasingly toast her daughter, she nearly dropped her cup. Lorelai's eyes swam in tears of gratitude as she stared down at her cup. Slowly she closed her eyes, raised her cup and inhaled deeply. Her lips soundlessly formed the word 'mummy' before she cautiously took her first sip. _

_In a second Lorelai was in heaven. The aroma of the fine Columbian coffee filled her nostrils, drowning out everything else, embracing her like her mother's arms the night before. The warmth of it burned down her throat and spread throughout her body, settling finally in the pit of her stomach, burning away the steady pain in her abdomen. _

_Slowly her eyes fluttered open again and she met the intense gaze of her mother. They shared a significant mother-daughter moment neither one of them would ever forget over a steaming cup of coffee._

**Coffee.**

Making Mummy feel better and saying sorry.

_Lorelai saw her mother's face and knew that she was sad. Grandmother Trix was in the house and Lorelai knew from previous visits that she always made Emily uncomfortable. Her grandmother was very strict and even rude at times, but her Daddy wouldn't allow complaining in any form._

_Today Trix wanted to host a meeting for her Bridge Club and was running her daughter-in-law haggard. She stood in the middle of the hall and shouted instructions to everybody, Emily and Lorelai included._

_ "Lorelai, comb your hair! You look a mess! … Emily, these flowers won't do. They are too tall. It's ostentatious to have flowers that tall. Go out and buy new ones … Lorelai, what are you wearing? Girls wear skirts, not trousers. Go change at once …" And so on, and so on._

_Slowly a steady pounding was beginning in Lorelai's head. It was really annoying how her grandmother was taking over the heft of basically everything. Even Richard was being accounted for the moment he stepped into the house. Lorelai could clearly see how that affected her mother. _

_Emily was only two minutes away from snapping … and Lorelai knew exactly what she was talking about. She had seen that particular expression turned on herself many times before. Lorelai felt sorry for her mother and incredibly cross with Trix. She wanted to make her mother feel better. A smile formed on her lips; she knew just the thing to do it._

_Leaving her grandmother standing while she was still reprimanding Lorelai for her seemingly vulgar appearance, Lorelai ran for the kitchen. The cook was a dear friend of hers, always making her cocoa and giving her a cookie when her mother wasn't watching. _

_ "I need the little coffee pot over the hearth," Lorelai announced the second she sped around the corner. _

_ "Whatever for, young lady?" The cook's broad face was smiling but a suspicious gleam was in her eyes. The seven-year old sure wasn't old enough to drink coffee. _

_But Lorelai, being Lorelai and not even answering that question, excepted her words to be followed and drew the chair over to the counter. She knew that the special coffee, that mum always reserved for special days or really tiring ones, was in the top shelf of the cabinet. Carefully she climbed up on the chair and from there up on the counter top … and then two strong hands wrapped around her and she was lifted off the counter again. Angrily she whipped around … and gasped as she saw her father._

_ "Now what do you think you are doing?" Richard asked in that dangerous, barely restrained voice that indicated he had had a rather hectic day at work._

_Lorelai gulped and hung her head. Mumbling she tried to explain herself; "I wanted to make Mummy her special coffee so she will feel better." _

_Richard had to lean in close to hear the words. His eyes softened and his hands assumed a gentler grip on his daughter. She had only wanted to be nice to her mother, but that still didn't justify getting herself in danger by climbing up precariously instable furniture. He sighed and tried to calm himself._

_ "I just wanted to have a coffee party with Mummy," Lorelai said quietly, close to tears now because she saw her plan going up in flames. "Trix is mean to her and she is so sad, but coffee makes her better."_

_Richard's ears perked up. He knew that his daughter wouldn't lie about that. So Emily had not exasperated last night when she told him that Trix was constantly putting her down. Richard felt lower than scum right then and there. He was supposed to notice such things … after all he knew what his mother really thought of Emily. His guilty conscience made him hang his head as well and look plaintively at his daughter._

_ "Do you think I can help?" he asked softly. _

_Lorelai nodded happily and hugged him around the neck. Then she straightened up again and pointed to the top shelf. "It's the blue container …"_

_ "I know," said Richard. "I put it there so that Mummy couldn't reach it." He was pleased to hear his daughter's laughter, so much like her mother's. _

_Together father and daughter brewed the strong Espresso in the 'little coffee pot' as Lorelai termed it. She also decorated the tray with rose petals ("Do you think she will mind we picked the prettiest out of the vase?") and little heart confetti she cut out herself. Richard got a plate and liberally sliced into the cake originally for his mother's friends. It was a chocolaty affair with marzipan roses on it. That should cheer up anybody._

_ "Have you thought about how to get your mother … where ever you wanted to have that coffee party?" Richard asked suddenly. _

_Lorelai just smiled at him and a decidedly wicked gleam took residence in her eyes. "Oh, just go up to my room and I get her," she announced confidently … and Richard didn't even want to know. _

_Five minutes later Lorelai burst into her grandmother's meeting with a panicked expression on her face. _

_ "Mummy, Mummy, I broke the doll house Daddy gave me!" she wailed._

_Emily hastily got up from her chair and drew breath to chide her daughter, but Trix was faster. "Emily, get that child out of here and deal with her," she hissed so her friends couldn't hear her. _

_Emily might have been angry with her daughter but her mother-in-law's tone certainly irked her more. How dare that woman give her order's in her own house? And how dare that abominable woman talk like that about her little girl? She stalked off the patio and up the stairs to Lorelai's room, the little girl trailing behind dejectedly. Or so she thought. _

_Lorelai had trouble keeping a straight face or even turning around and stick out her tongue at Trix. Served the old bag right for upsetting Mum._

_As Emily entered Lorelai's rooms, she didn't even notice her husband standing by the bed, grinning broadly, or the beautifully decorated tray. She immediately stirred towards the doll house to see if she could salvage something from it. Frowning slightly she finally noticed that it wasn't obviously broken in any place. Everything was in its place and perfectly alright. Turning towards Lorelai, she was suddenly enfolded in two strong arms around her waist and two small arms around her legs._

_ "Surprise, Mummy," Lorelai squealed cheerfully and Richard kissed her on the lips. _

_It turned out to be one of the most treasured memories of all three Gilmores._

**Coffee.**

The day she left home.

_Lorelai walked through the big, heavy mahogany door to her house and heard the reassuringly loud thud as it fell back into its lock. A heavy sigh escaped her lips and she leaned back against it, head tilted back and eyes closed. _

_How she absolutely hated her school and those rich kids whose only worry was that they didn't get the latest fashion or that they couldn't go to the hippest party. It was really annoying her to no end that these brainless idiots were her friends. Even Christopher had started to act like them, becoming worried with money. Still there were moments when he talked again about breaking free of his predestined path and running off to Europe, traipsing wherever his fancy compelled him to go with only a rucksack on his back and his pockets full of hopes, dreams, but no money. He wanted to sleep in hostiles and on park benches. It sounded romantic … it sounded wonderful … it sounded absolutely unachievable. _

_Again Lorelai sighed heavily. She wished she could just pack a few things, walk out of the door and be free. _

_A tiny part in her mind, though, reminded her of her family and how heartbroken her parents would be if she simply disappeared without a word or at least a note. She shook her head no. 'Lorelai, be honest to yourself', she chided herself. 'You are afraid of being all on your own. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose and you know that. You know yourself better than that. You like to come home to your comfortable life where there is a maid and all your needs are taken care of. You are only strong when it counts … when you can be strong for someone.'_

_Her sensible mind was right, even though she hated to admit it. But there was Rory. She was the someone Lorelai had to be strong for, the someone she had to protect … and the someone who anchored her here. Lorelai knew that she couldn't take care of her child by herself She would need a home, no traipsing around. She would need money and that required a job. She would not be free._

_ "Yes, I would." It left Lorelai's mouth quietly as if she wasn't sure of that statement herself. "I could choose where I live, I could choose what to work, I could choose my clothes, Rory's clothes, what to eat … everything." With each word her voice got stronger, louder. _

_She turned around to stomp upstairs and get Rory … that's when her gaze fell on the family portrait. Her parents looked down on herself. Her mother's Mona-Lisa-smile seemed to say 'I know what you're up to' today and her father's thoughtful gaze seemed to beseech her to see reason and stay put. Lorelai's inner self, though, rebelled more and more against her confines and the role she felt compelled to assume. _

_Sighing Lorelai realized that she wouldn't get far if she simply ran off in a petulant rage simply to spite her parents. She had to think this through. _

_Changing her course, she walked into the kitchen and took a seat on the bar chair. Her head dropped into her hands and she heaved another sigh. In doing so she inhaled the scent of fresh coffee. The maid had obviously brewed some for herself but then had remembered some chore not yet done. Lorelai shamelessly took advantage of that and got a cup out of the cabinet. She then poured the black cold into it and drank it pure, no milk, no sugar. She needed a strong pick-me-up if she wanted to be able to make a valid decision. _

_Her thoughts were swirling around in her mind and she couldn't focus on anything really. She saw herself getting her first pay-check … she could all too clearly imagine her parents reaction to her disappearance … _

_Another sip of coffee and she saw in front of her inner eye the smirking faces of her classmates as they had found out about her pregnancy … she remembered the shame on her mother's face as she had taken Lorelai shopping for pregnancy clothes … she could see the heart-broken expression in her father's eyes as he saw his dreams for the future crumple …_

_But Lorelai knew that life didn't have to go on like that. She drank the rest of her coffee and dreamed on. She saw herself opening the door to her own home, paid for from her own salary … she heard the voices of some unknown people who weren't judging her for 'getting knocked up' … she saw herself getting married to a faceless stranger but could feel the love that radiated from her conjured vision …_

_Her vision cleared and Lorelai realized she was still sitting at the counter in her mother's kitchen in Hartford. Nothing had changed and nothing would change. Those were just dreams. Suddenly she heard the door opening and closing again, immediately followed by Emily's sharp voice._

_ "Lorelai, are you home? I was informed that you left school early today. Lorelai, where are you? Please acknowledge me," Emily called out to the silent house. She was clearly in a huff at having her DAR meeting interrupted on her daughter's behalf._

_Lorelai sighed again. She would rather face a dragon than her mother right now. She somehow had the notion that her mother would know exactly what she had been thinking and what she was planning. Leaving her now empty cup on the counter she instinctively snuck to the door to the cellar. There was a window through which she could escape._

_It hit her and she stopped dead in her tracks. She was forever running away from her parents, from their plans for her, from their disappointed stares, from their judgement. She had to stop running away. She had to find herself and what was important for her._

_With a determined look on her face she turned to the counter again, picked up her cup and filled it. She would NOT run from her mother. She would face her, tell her to go back to her DAR meeting and then go upstairs to pack a few belongings and get Rory ready and then she would be out of here._

**Coffee.**

The only way she could remember her mother, the only way she felt close to her.

_Lorelai's favourite place in the entire Inn was the kitchen. She not only met Sookie there and became fast friend with her but it was the one place she could recall her mother without feeling the usual anger. The kitchen always smelled like coffee. It had three large coffee machines which were constantly brewing coffee for the guests and the employees alike. Lorelai dropped by to refill her cup as often as her duties as maid allowed. Whenever she did so, she would close her eyes and inhale the rich scent wafting over from the machines. She loved that smell._

_She saw her mother then in her mind's eye, as she had been when younger and easier to handle. Yes, she could admit that she had been responsible for quite a lot of their fights … but only to herself and only when she was holding a cup of coffee. The other times she forgot how nice Emily could be. She then only remembered the fights, her anger, her parents' disapproval, her sneaking out of their house, them forbidding her any fun in life and trying to control her every step. _

_But the coffee changed that. She could remember the first cup of coffee her mother had made for her. There had been a few quiet evenings at home with her mum when she didn't have to go to a function and had curled up on the couch in the den with Lorelai and a pot of coffee. They had watched ballroom dancing competitions … well, Emily had watched those but Lorelai had just closed her eyes and inhaled her mother's unique scent and had snuggled into her mother's arms, listening to her soft voice but never remembering what she had said._

**Coffee.**

An addiction she shared with her own daughter.

_Rory moved woodenly towards her mother. She was still not really happy about going to Friday Night Dinners. As much as she wanted a relationship of sorts with her grandparents, she was also apprehensive because of everything Lorelai had told her. It all seemed so surreal … had seemed so surreal until she had overheard the shouting match between her mother and her grandmother in the kitchen. Now she knew that Lorelai had only agreed to these dinners so she, Rory, could go to school. She felt rotten._

_ "Mum," she said quietly as she watched her mother drink her umpteenth cup of coffee. Then she smiled, maybe a joke would help get the ball rolling. "You know it would be easier if you drank right from the pot."_

_Lorelai cracked a tired smile but it seemed forced and she didn't come up with a verbal response. Rory sighed. This was not going to be easy._

_ "I'm sorry about last night," she tried again, even more softly this time. "I don't know what got into me …"_

_ "Oh but I do," her mother interrupted. "As I said yesterday you are my daughter. I would have blown everything for a guy at your age."_

_ "Nuhnuh." Rory made a negative sound. "Lookit you, Mum, you run an Inn and you dream of owning one someday so you didn't blow everything. You just walked a different path, is all."_

_Lorelai looked up and met her daughter's eyes for the first time this morning. "Hey, kiddo, don't get me all teary-eyed, ok? I need to watch my make-up."_

_A tentative smile crossed both Gilmore Girls faces and Rory sat down next to her mother. _

_ "Any coffee left?"_

_ "Yup, but I'm not sharing."_

_ "Hey, no fair. I wanna cup, pretty please."_

_Lorelai stuck her tongue out. "Nope, I'm the mummy and I have to work so I get dibs on the coffee."_

_ "You know I could call Child Care Service, do you?"_

_ "Tsk, tsk, going to tell on mummy now, are we? That gets you no coffee for sure."_

_ "Mean!" Rory now stuck her tongue out at her mother. Then she got up with a heavy sigh and a wistful glance at the coffee pot. She staggered to the door and got upstairs to take a shower. _

_In the meantime Lorelai finished her last cup of coffee. She smiled as she got up from the table and walked over to the sink. There she cleaned the pot and filled it with water. She knew exactly how much ground coffee her daughter wanted per cup of water and soon the filter was filled to the brim. She whistled a little tune to herself as she hit the 'On'-button and watched the coffee beginning to drip into the pot. When Rory finally emerged from the bathroom, now clad in her new Chilton uniform, Lorelai set the full pot in front of her and kissed her hair gently._

_ "There, my little Caffeine addict. All yours."_

_And with that everything was back to normal at the Gilmore's._


	2. Chapter 2

A.N.: I keep having ideas for this story. All these scenes poping up in my mind ... so thisstory isn't finished after all. Enjoy this chapter & please do review.

**Coffee.**

Something to stir and hold onto while you hear of all the things you missed out on.

_Emily sat at the dining room table after Richard had gone to work. Her day planner lay open on it before her, but Emily couldn't bring herself to do anything. She had lain awake most of the night – the meeting with Mia upsetting her more than she wanted to admit. Richard, as always, was oblivious to her inner turmoil. It was not so much meeting Mia, but rather facing the bitter truth that this woman represented._

_Lorelai had replaced Emily, her own mother, with another woman … It cut her heart out._

_Yesterday Mia had been gently understanding, but she had also defended Lorelai's decision to run away. She had not apologized for taking Emily's place and thus encouraging the enstrangement between mother and daughter. She had promised, though, to bring photos before she went home. If that wasn't a friendly gesture, what was?_

_And yet, Emily wasn't sure if it had been a good idea to ask for pictures in the first place. Would it somehow fill the void in her heart? Or would it be too painful to see all she had missed?_

_With a heavy sigh Emily reached for the coffee pot … just as the doorbell rang. Since her new maid was as incompetent as the last one, Emily resigned herself to let go of her comfy drink and answer the damn door herself. She had to admit that she had expected a friend from her DAR group, but not this woman … never this woman._

_ "__Good morning, Mrs Gilmore," Mia, the owner of the Independence Inn, greeted her friendly. She held a large box in her hands and had a large handbag over her shoulder. When Emily simply stared at her without any emotion showing on her face and no answer forthcoming, Mia ventured forward hesitantly, "I brought the photos you had asked for yesterday. May I come in?"_

_Emily's first instinct was to slam the door into the other woman's face and pretend she hadn't come at all, but then her curiosity overruled her anger. The pictures Mia had tucked under her arm were a good bribe to ensure Emily's good behaviour. She stepped to the side and made a hand gesture, allowing Mia to step through before she shut the door behind her. For a moment Emily had the urge to lean against the door and calm her wildly beating heart … or at least attempt to …, but then Mia's voice brought her out of the own private world of her mind._

_ "__I understand that this must be very uncomfortable for you … but it isn't exactly easy for me either. Over the years Lorelai has told me so much about you and your relationship with each other …"_

_ "__I can imagine." It left her mouth before she could stop herself and it sounded far more sarcastic than she had intended. She couldn't help herself; that woman was a thorn in her side and now she felt as if she were gloating over the fact that Lorelai confided in her more than in her own mother._

_Woodenly she moved back into her dining room, trying to somehow come to terms with the various emotions crashing over her in quick succession. Only as an afterthought she waved to Mia to follow her. If she had to listen to any more of these accusations and only marginally disguised gloating, she needed her comfort drink. She sat down in her usual seat and blindly grasped for her cup of now cold coffee. She grimaced but drank it down and refilled it instantly with a new dose of the black gold. Mia sat down in Rory's usual seat, but not without hesitation and trepidation. _

_Emily's slender fingers wrapped around her cup of coffee as if her life depended on it before she addressed Mia again, "Well, go on then and tell me what a bad mother I was!"_

_Mia blinked a bit surprised, but didn't take the bait and bite back. Instead she stated calmly, "She couldn't stand being controlled anymore. She wanted to stand on her own two feet and make her own experiences …"_

_Again she was rather forcefully interrupted. "Making her own experiences got her pregnant," Emily shot back. "She was a child – my child – and I only wanted the best for her."_

_ "__Children have their own notion of what's best for them."_

_ "__And how many children do you have … to come up with such brilliant insight?" Emily was fiercely defensive now. How dare this woman criticize her?_

_ "__None, but …"_

_ "__There then! You don't know what it is like. You know nothing of making sure that every little detail is just right for your child, that she gets the best, that she has all the options and opportunities of life. You know nothing of the disappointment when it comes crashing down. The shame when you have to tell everybody that your daughter …" The lump in Emily's throat was too large now to talk around it and she had to swallow hard. To her shame she felt tears gathering in her eyes. She turned away from Mia. "Just put the photos on the table and please leave," she pressed out, afraid that any second now her composure would slip and she would disgrace herself in front of a stranger._


	3. Chapter 3

**Coffee.**

Knowing where your home is and always having the option to return.

_Lorelai was pacing her room nervously. She was now eleven years old and deemed old enough to enjoy a holiday on her own with a youth group. Her parents had been invited to spend a week on Cape Cott with friends. Emily had been reluctant to accept the invitation and had downright refused to entertain the idea of sending Lorelai away on her own. Richard, though, had convinced both his Gilmore Girls to give this new constellation a go. He had tactically reminded Lorelai that she was always telling them she was now a big girl and could do things on her own, and, in the quiet of their bedroom, reminded Emily that she had to let go of their child at one point in her life and that she would be handsomely rewarded for it by her husband._

_But seeing Lorelai so ill at ease and Emily trying stubbornly to blink away the tears as she leaned against the doorframe, instructing the maid what to pack, he was not so sure of the rightness of his plan anymore. His two girls seemed lost. Neither wanted to appear weak in front of the other, but he could see that they desperately wanted to be held and comforted. As he silently observed the two most important people in his life a plan sprang up in his mind. After all who knew those two better than he did?_

_With a renewed spring to his step, he walked to the kitchen and gathered his supplies for a little family bonding. A pot of freshly-brewed coffee for himself and his wife, a glass of hot milk and some oreo cookies for Lorelai and he was ready. Carefully he carried the tray into the living room … not the representative one downstairs next to the dining room, but rather the private one connected to their bedroom as part of the master suite. Then he got the girls, sure now that his plan would work._

_oOoOoOo_

_His plan had worked … not that he was awake to witness it …_

_Mother and daughter were sitting on the plush sofa near the large French doors leading out to the balcony. Emily had both her arms wrapped around her child and her nose buried into the soft raven curls of her hair. Lorelai's nose, her whole face, was pressed into her mother's soft bosom, greedily inhaling her unique scent of Channel No. 5 and coffee. She loved this smell. It always told her when her mother was near, it always meant a comforting words and the feel of her mother's arms wrapped around her. Lorelai couldn't help it. She had to blurt out what weighed so terribly on her heart._

_ "__What if I get lost and can't find my way back home?" Lorelai asked hesitantly, her real fear finally coming forth. _

_Emily drew Lorelai closer into her embrace and kissed her temple gently. Then she tried to reassure her daughter as best as she could, "Nothing will happen, Lorelai. There will be plenty of care takers …"It didn't seem to reassure her daughter at all, though. So she tried to think of another tactic to comfort her little girl. Wildly she cast around in her mind for something she could say. Then she remembered her uncle, who had been a naval officer. He had always spoken of the stars and how they had always helped to navigate ships safely across the oceans. "You look up at the night sky and find the polar star. Then you follow it. It is the only star which doesn't move. It will always guide you safely home and into my arms." Both mother and daughter now gazed out at the night sky and Emily surprised herself by quickly being able to locate the polar star and showing it to Lorelai. _

_Some moments of peaceful quiet, only interrupted by Richard's soft snores, enveloped this homely scene until Lorelai whispered a request that made Emily almost laugh out loud. _

_ "__Of course, you can, darling girl," she chuckled softly, holding her child a little away from her to be able to see her face. "And I will even help you. But now we both have to go to bed. We will do it first thing tomorrow morning."_

_oOoOoOo_

_The next morning saw Lorelai and Emily passing by the breakfast table and a rather surprised looking Richard. His wife smiled at him and leaned down to press a swift kiss to his cheek, but was quickly pushed on and through the door to the kitchen by their daughter. Curiously Richard stood up and followed. What he saw made him smile broadly._

_With a flourish of her wrist Emily produced one of her pristine white handkerchiefs from the pocket of her trousers and flapped it open before letting it gently flow down onto the counter. Lorelai chuckled a little at her mother's antics before quickly crossing over to the storage cupboard and taking down the coffee tin. She brought it over and poured a small pile of whole coffee beans onto the middle of the handkerchief. Emily lifted all four corners so she created a little bag now containing the coffee._

_ "__Oh no," Lorelai moaned, "we forgot to bring something to tie it together."_

_Both looked at each other sheepishly. Richard chuckled, but stepped forward. _

_ "__Maybe I can be of some assistance to the ladies," he offered. Then, with an equally flourishing gesture he untied his bowtie and slipped it off his neck. Wrapping it multiple times around the little coffee bag, he then tied a perfect bow again. _

_Emily giggled mischievously and dropped the bag in Lorelai's hand before adjusting the bow so it was symmetrical and straight._

_ "__Now you're all set for your trip and have something to remember us by."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Coffee.**

The literal stain on my reputation.

_White. Everything was white. Wherever Lorelai looked all she saw was white. Flowers, decorations, linens, porcelain … her dress._

_Now Lorelai wasn't keen on dresses to begin with. Every chance she got, she would avoid dresses or change back into trousers as soon as humanly possible. Today, though, was one of those days were she absolutely had to wear a dress – a white dress – at least according to her mother. And no chance to change in the foreseeable future … it was horrible!_

_To top it all of; all those silly rules her mother had taught her applied here. Usually it was the manners set for when her grandmother came for a visit or they flew over to England to visit her, but now all of a sudden her mother had started to enforce them at home too. Her explanation was always the same and very, very unsatisfactory: "You are a young lady now, Lorelai, so behave like one."_

_Nothing had changed for Lorelai. Sure she was a year older and sure she was in, what her teachers called, puberty, but that didn't make her a lady in her eyes. _

_And still here she was, dressed all in a tight, pinching white dress with a puffy skirt and high-heeled shoes she could hardly walk in. The other girls all wore similar dresses and varying expressions of joy, acceptance, and quiet mutiny (not unlike Lorelai's). All the present boys, though, were very smartly attired in their miniature suits, but didn't behave as smartly. Lorelai had seen one boy trying to look up under the girls' skirts and she had observed Christopher and some other guys nicking a bottle of wine from the bar. _

_Why were they allowed to misbehave and not she?_

_Her mother had made it very clear that she expected exemplary behaviour from her daughter and would not accept anything less from her. After all it was a reflection on her as a mother and on the good name of the Gilmores. _

_Lorelai had enough. If she was to survive this evening, she would need some fortification. She had observed her mother drinking more coffee this morning than was normal and had seen how it had somewhat calmed her mother's nerves. Now what was good for the goose, couldn't be bad for the chick._

_Lorelai cut a bee line straight to the bar and ordered a coffee. The bartender eyed her suspiciously, but didn't object. As he turned around to press the required buttons on the machine, Emily Gilmore came steaming in._

_ "__Lorelai, here you are! What are you doing here … not trying to get your hands on something you shouldn't?" Emily hissed at her daughter, ever mindful of the listening gossips. _

_Lorelai's mood, already crabby due to today's events, plummeted further and she came dangerously close to boiling point. "No," she answered back shortly and didn't even bother to look up. _

_ "__Lorelai, I mean it, behave yourself," warned Emily, her eyes narrowing. "And do put on a smile. You're not being held against your will."_

_ "__Oh, aren't I!" Lorelai snarled back. "This isn't my idea of fun, mother. I'm bored and I hate this dress." Lorelai gestured broadly around the room, then at herself and finally threw up her hands in angry resignation._

_… __Too bad, that the bartender had just turned around with her cup of coffee …_

_Lorelai's hand caught at the rim of the saucer and upset the whole cup, sending it flying and splashing its contents all over her pristine white dress. Scalding hot liquid seeped its way through the many layers of her dress and burned her skin. In complete shock she watched the dark coffee spreading from her right shoulder down over her top and onto the skirt portion of her dress. Her eyes filled with tears, both at the sting of the hot liquid and shame. She hadn't wanted this. She had been resigned to give in and let her mother have her moment._

_ "__You did this on purpose! How could you?" Emily was aghast at Lorelai's unruly behaviour. She was embarrassed in front of her friends and Richard's business partners. She lashed out at Lorelai, totally disregarding the fact that it had been an accident and that her child was hurt._

_Without a word Lorelai stormed out of the hall. Emily was hot on her heels and still hurling accusations at her. Once they reaching the coat room the Gilmore temper was fully unleashed and both said things they couldn't take back … and both were too stubborn to apologize. It was the beginning of a downward spiral._


	5. Chapter 5

**A./N.: This idea popped into my head after rewatching Gilmore Girls and especially the episode of Richard's cardiac trouble during Emily's Christmas party. Enjoy and please, please leave a review.**

**Coffee.**

Comfort in dark times.

_Emily sat slumped in the seat outside Richard's room. Her head rested back against the wall and her emotions were running high. After the day she had had, she was surprised that she hadn't had a heart-attack herself. As it was her heart was hammering in her chest, loud enough to be heard by others, she was sure. Luke had taken Rory back home and her daughter sat next to her. She was clearly as emotionally exhausted as Emily felt. _

_ "Want to go to the cafeteria and grab a cup of coffee, Mum?" she asked after a few more silent moments, her voice shy and hesitant. _

_Emily battled with herself. On the one hand she wanted to stay close to Richard and on the other hand she really could do with a little pick-me-up. She closed her eyes, trying to focus her mind enough to actually make a decision, when she felt Lorelai's hand on her shoulder._

_ "It's just coffee, Mum. You won't be gone long," she said quietly. Instinctively she had known what went on in her mother's foggy mind right now. She may not have been the most loving and expressive mother, but there had never been a sliver of a doubt that she really and deeply loved her husband. _

_Emily sighed and nodded, slowly getting up from the hospital chair, feeling all her years acutely. She was stiff as a board and her back was killing her … she stiffened at that thought. What a horrible expression to make right now! Even if only in her mind. _

_Suddenly Lorelai was at her side and hesitantly took her hand. "Come on, Mum," she murmured comfortingly. "It's right through here." And she was led through the corridor and a few doors until she was standing in the middle of the noisy cafeteria. _

_She was clearly lost and Lorelai instantly took command again. Gently she led her mother to an empty table and sat her down, before going up to the counter and getting two cups of coffee. Years of experience came in handy, as she prepared her mother's cup just right and brought it over. _

_Both women sat there in silence for a while until Lorelai spoke shyly, attempting to draw her mother out of herself. "He will be fine, you'll see." Then she attempted to joke, her unique way to deal with difficulties, "Besides if my rebellious teen years didn't kill him, nothing will."_

_ "Lorelai!" Emily's voice was cutting, but then her lips twitched and quirked into a wry smile. "That was the worst joke I have ever heard from you."_

_Lorelai laughed at that and tenderly put her hand on her mother's, interlacing her fingers shyly with her mother's. "I was scared today," she admitted quietly, "and I'm not ready to lose any of you permanently. Even if we don't talk for weeks, I still know you'll be there when I come knocking on your door."_

_A tender smile curled Emily's lips and she tightened her grip on her daughter's hand. "We're stubborn, the three of us, but you are our child and, of course, we'll be there. Where else would we be?"_

_For a moment they both gazed at each other, highly emotional and close to tears, before Emily cleared her throat. "Well, then, let us drink our coffee and return to your father," she said decisively, some of her spirit returned. Then she took a sip of her coffee … and nearly gagged. "Oh God," she breathed, after swallowing with great difficulty, "This has to be the worst coffee on the entire globe …"_

_Lorelai tried her own coffee. Her mother had to be joking, being over-critical again, but then she tasted it and nearly spit her mouthful out again. It was far too weak and a horrible blend. She looked up at her mother with wide eyes, and had to laugh at the disgusted look in her mother's eyes as she looked down into her cup. It didn't matter that her taste buds were dying, but at least her mother was distracted and had actually smiled since Richard had been brought into the hospital._


End file.
